bonniegrrl | My Smartass Milk Review on Amazon

According to BoingBoing.net, "So far, 344 smart-ass reviewers from ytmnd.com have had fun writing about the 128-ounce jug of Tuscan Grade A Milk." And I just became one of them.

I'm always looking for new ways to get my writing jumpstarted in the mornings and this may be the trick. Reviewing common items like milk, bananas, grapes and such on Amazon helps get my creative juices flowing. And for any writer out there who need something more exciting than the usual writing exercises to wake up those synapses, this is a fun way to do it.

Instead of writing a basic review about bananas, why not give a complete diatribe about how cartoon monkeys never get the credit they deserve? Rather than reviewing grapes as juicy and plump, talk about how grapes will forever be warped for you ever since that grade school Halloween party game where you were blindfolded and asked to put your hand in a bowl of lukewarm water with floating eyeballs only to discover later that those were indeed just grapes -- grapes you can never eat again without thinking you're snacking on squishy, icky eyeballs.

You get the drift. Every morning, before starting on a writing assignment, or for something fun to do, go to Amazon.com's new grocery section and review your favorite produce. Write a haiku about tofu. Or a quip quick tale about the kind of apple mostly likely to end up in the wrong hands in any Disney villain. The possibilities are as endless as your imagination.

Here's my milk review:

Leaping buildings in a single moooooO!
I'm a big milk fan. Not to say I'm fat, but big as in avid. So when I realized I could buy endless gallons of milk on Amazon I was thrilled. Now when I buy my next installment of classic Sherlock Holmes mysteries, I can add on a gallon of milk. And when I need to buy the new Radiohead CD, I can wash it down with some milk. Yea for milk!

But one thing I'm curious, and somewhat concerned, about. The flying cow on the label. In all the years of drinking milk, I've had milk from organic cows, factory cows, sheep, goats, rice, and soy. But flying cows were never an option. My question to you is -- if I drink the flying cow milk will I have superpowers too? I mean, will I defy gravity? And if not that, then can I at least translate the endless mooing I hear from the cows in the barnyard? Will grass taste better to me? Will I be able to fight crime or do I need udders for that?

Please let me know ASAP. I already have my superhero cow outfit picked out!

Read even more milk reviews here on Amazon.com.