Working on friendship basics

I'd like to think of myself as a half-way decent friend. I wish the best for my pals, and I'm there to back them up in any situation. But there are times when I feel like disappearing is the best solution to end awkward moments. Years ago, when my ex dumped me, instead of sticking around to hang out with our mutual pals, I made myself scarce. I suppose by leaving the scene, I thought our friends wouldn't have to make the uncomfortable choice of who to spend time with. I didn't want to anyone to take sides. Plus I think my ex needed friends to support him more than I did. So I vanished.

I even moved away for almost a year -- starting another group of friends. I left my world in San Francisco for a new one. But that new and "improved" world imploded on itself, and I came back to San Fran -- and my old haunts -- to start again. Luckily, my pals took me back without blinking. They actually missed me... and I came to understand that my actions of putting everyone at arms length hadn't done anyone any favors.

My pal Jen, who I honestly consider to be one of the few folks who know me -- the real me -- very well, told me yesterday, "You shouldn't have just left to make things easier. You could have given us the choice instead of making it for us."

And she's right. I wasn't being fair by just running away. I'm glad my friends who welcomed me home with open arms are here. It makes starting over that much easier when you know the people who have your back still care.

Because of them, I'm also making new friends, which to me is just as important as maintaining old relationships. I think the older I get, and the more single I stay, I realize how important close friendships are.

On that note, as I was hanging out with a relatively new friend at a party this weekend, he mentioned that every time he tries to tell me something important that I tease him. I hadn't even noticed I did that. I tend to do that with guys I dig. Not dig in a dating manner, but more like a brother/sister dynamic. And so I kid him... like you would with a sibling. Granted, my brother and I aren't really that close. So I suppose I should knock it off. I don't know WHY I do that. I'm a smartass, but I just assumed since he was too that it was okay to tease him about girls and the like. But as usual, I can be clueless, especially with my relationships/friendships involving the lads. I dunno. I may be in my 30s, but when it comes to friendships, I feel like I'm in elementary school all over again -- minus the feathered hair and the unicorn Trapper Keeper.

Insert foot in mouth [here]

I'm having one of those days where I feel like everything I say is wrong. I don't know how I do it so well. I say something in a meeting like "Watching the movie Closer made me grateful for the first time in a long time that I'm not in love," and everyone looked at me like I just slit my wrists at the conference table.

I guess I should have just said something mindless in my review like, "Natalie Portman is the most overly-dressed stripper I've ever seen on the big screen," or maybe "This is one of the best Jude Law films of 2004," or "Julia Roberts' lips seem to be growing with each movie." But I didn't. I wasn't my usual sarcastic funny self. I was probably being a bit too personal in my review.

Maybe I'm just feeling the Monday blahs. I dunno.

For those of you who always seem to know the right thing to say, feel free to chime in with wisdom. I'm feeling a bit on the dumbass side today. Good times.